Maker only knows
by Felika
Summary: Having been called to The Hanged Man for a trival task, Knight-Captain Cullen found himself having quite the embarrassing encounter with a drunk Champion of Kirkwall.


"Maker preserve me," the Knight-Captain whispered under his breath as he left the elven alienage, "If I get called out here one more time for a prank about a mage, I might go insane." He had to admit, he hated being at the alienage at night; it was somewhat ominous. The Knight-Captain took in a deep breath trying to relax himself as he headed for the Gallows; he didn't even make it out of Lowtown before an angry looking man approached him.

"You there!" he yelled to the Templar, "I've been swindled out of my money, I demand you help me!"

"That would be a matter for the city guard not myself." The Templar sighed heavily - such trivial tasks were beneath him.

"But one of them was the Guard-Captain!" He announced furiously. Peeked by this sudden development, the Knight-Captain followed after the man as he headed towards The Hanged Man. Before he even set foot inside he could hear the noise of yelling patrons and the thick sour smell of the alcohol. He braced himself before entering. If indeed the Guard-Captain was inside, she'd have a lot of explaining to do.

"There! That's her!" The man cried pointing to a short, dark haired woman. The Templar raised his eyebrow is disbelieve. He watched as the girl and her friend laughed loudly, drowning out the sound of the other patrons. _'So unbefitting of the Champion of Kirkwall,'_ he thought doing a quick facepalm but what the man had said was true. Sat opposite the Champion was indeed Aveline Vallen, the Guard-Captain, however unamused she looked.

"Hawke-"

"Cullen!" Hawke yelled cutting him off before diving out of her seat and throwing a clumsy arm around his shoulder. "We were just talking about you!"

_'Maker only knows what about,' _he thought as he stabled himself.

"Hawke-" He tried again.

"Isabela was just trying to describe what she thought you'd be in the sack!" Cullen felt his cheeks heat up; the pink tint giving him away to the trio.

"Oof, only because you wanted to know!" The pirate argued back.

"I'm terribly sorry about this Knight-Captain." Aveline dived in as the girls giggled at the blushing man.

"Come to think of it, this is the first time I've seen you here." Hawke announced struggling to keep herself steady.

"I'm actually here because of a complaint." Cullen tried to unravel himself from Hawke's arm. As soon as he was free Hawke lost her balance plopping to her butt on the chair she was previously sat on.

"Complaint?" Aveline inquired.

"Apparently you three swindled a man out of some money..."

"Oh - oh, no, that was just me!" Hawke stated with a hint of proudness to her words and a huge smile on her face. "And I didnt _'swindle'_ anyone. I won the game fairly!"

"Game?" Cullen asked.

"Diamondback! Varric has been teaching me." A sheepish smile upon the girls lips.

"And I've been teaching her how to cheat at it." Isabela added in a quiet whisper just barely loud enough for Hawke to hear sending the girls on yet another giggle fit. The Templar stood in silence for a moment debating how likely their story was to be true. It seemed fairly logical, after all, Aveline would never let her companions cheat a man out of his money knowingly.

"Very well then..." Cullen spoke, another sigh echoed from his throat as he turned to leave but curiosity stopped him. "...How much and those two drank?" He asked Aveline but Isabela dove in to answer.

"Not enough!" She yelled throwing her half empty mug in the air.

"I didnt peg you for much of a drinker Hawke." The Templar confessed.

"Isabela said I was boring, I had to prove her wrong!" The Champions words slurred. Cullen narrowed his eyes at the pair. "So..?" She added getting to her feet.

"So?" He mimicked, an eyebrow raised. Hawke leaned in closer to the man, her lips brushing against his ear, her hot breath caressing his skin.

"...What _are_ you like in the sack then?"

"Maker Hawke - that's enough!" Aveline spat. It wasn't suppose to be loud enough for her to have heard let alone Isabela who was now doing that dirty laugh of hers. Cullen felt his cheeks flare up again as he stood there, frozen from the shock of such a question being suddenly asked of him.

"I bet he's quite the animal!" Isabela joked through laughter. "Maybe you should ask him if you can find out personally." Utterly embarrassed, the poor Templar made a dash for the escape leaving a stern looking Aveline utterly disgraced as the Champion and the Pirate Queen swooned at the thought.


End file.
